5 points to consider when returning to education as a parent




If you are thinking about or are returning to education after time away, then this is the post for you.
PhD Mum
Returning to education as a mum is a hard decision and there are a lot of things to consider; can I really afford it? Can I fit it in with my children? Am I clever enough to do it? Am I too old?

When I was on maternity leave, I began to question everything I thought I was. I felt my brain turned to mush because my sole reason for waking up was to feed and change my son. I returned to the PhD after 6 months of maternity leave.

In pretty much every way, my experience of the PhD mum journey has been amazing – that’s not to say it hasn’t been challenging – but I have experienced the support of a fantastic supervisory team, the working hours were extremely flexible, and my partner was very understanding. I think if one of these three things were not in place, then my experience would have been something completely different. 

Here are my five points to consider if you are thinking of returning to education (at any level):

1. Make the decision

It sounds easy enough doesn’t it. But actually, making the decision to return to education is probably the hardest one. You have to battle all of your self-doubt and try to plan for a future that is not guaranteed (with constant thoughts of “what if I don’t pass” or “what if I don’t get a job at the end of it; it would have been for nothing”). Once you have battled with yourself, then there is always the voice of your immediate family. Mine still didn’t really understand why I was bothering to do a PhD and what it actually was. Making this decision is difficult and only you can do it. Rather than wondering about workload, perhaps think about the long term plan. Why do this specific course – will it help you in anyway? I did a PhD because, as an academic, I can’t be promoted without it. I think if you have a clear reason for doing it, then you can manage anything that the course throws up at you along the way.

2. Commit

There is no point deciding to return to education and not committing to it. Try to be realistic with the time you have, set targets and deadlines and go for it! With children, this will likely mean you will either have to work when other people can take them away, when they nap (depending on their age), or in the evening after they are asleep. I regularly worked in to the small hours of the morning just to keep up with the writing; but then, I would reward myself with a weekend off or vice versa. Know that it is not forever and it is a short term cost for a long term goal. I had to be very clear, particularly towards the end of my PhD, with my partner that I needed designated time to do some work. Sure he moaned that he never got to see me, but again, it did not last forever.

3. Seek support

I started a blog (mainly neglected now because I don’t have time) when I returned from maternity as a way for me to practice my writing skills and feel a bit more competent with it. After having my son, I felt so incapable of doing anything, it was difficult to feel “worthy” of the PhD. What I didn’t expect from Instagram/social media was to find such a community of student mums. It has been such a brilliant source of support and release. Just to look through other peoples experience and to know I wasn’t alone. Also, within my university, there are a few people who had taken maternity leave that I could talk to and more generally, is a researchers group for which I could talk to about more specific issues to do with my study.

Remember: You are not the first person with a child to return to education, they will be able to give you guidance.

Particularly at the start of the course, it is important to seek support and guidance from the course provider; get to know your tutor/supervisor/union. Explain any needs you have – if you need to leave at a certain time each day/week, they should be able to accommodate this. 

4. Think about the finances, but try not to let that put you off

A major concern to everyone is about money. This was mine. You are thinking about being a student, it shouldn’t be that shocking that it won’t pay well. The question is whether you can make it work long enough until you graduate/finish the course. With a bit of creativity, I guarantee you can make this happen. I was surprised how much a stipend covered – tax free it was equivalent to earning £24,000 a year. Then on top of this were the student discounts. There are sources of funding available (depending on the course) and childcare options (again, depending on the course). However, if you can make it work for the short term, or if that means a student loan, try to think what the long term outcome is; the opportunity for a better career? a happier you?

5. Expect to want to quit

There will be countless times throughout the course that you will consider leaving, that you will feel as though you aren’t good enough for the award, or that you don’t deserve to be there. The journey is difficult and challenging, but then isn’t motherhood? (and you have managed that). I think this is where being a mum is an asset; you become so resilient. During these moments, try to reflect back on point 1. What made you start this in the first place, surround yourself in the people from point 3 and remember to commit with point 2. Any qualification is 90% hard work and 10% intelligence.


Mum, PhD.

Comments

  1. Hi there! I happen to stumble upon your blog. We are on the same boat. I am also a PHD mom and thank you for this. I've been wanting to blog about my experiences too but I feel like I am always running after time. And I always feel so alone since I am the only mom among my peers in school. Again, thank you, thank you.

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